It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
