that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
