just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
