Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
