This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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