I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
