Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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