I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
