It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
