That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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