well I can't set my house on fire every night
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
