Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
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