i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
