can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
