watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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