i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
