i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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