Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
