I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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