my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
