I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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