i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
