Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
