sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
