I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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