I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
