He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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