Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
