Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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