So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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