Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
