My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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