Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
