I heard we made out
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
