If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
this just has baby written all over it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
