What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
why do cheetos always look like penises
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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