We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Randomize
