Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
