somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
