I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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