What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize