Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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