I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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