For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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