some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
