don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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