Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
