The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
