My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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