I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
