evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
