Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I had to cum in my sink.
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