this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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