WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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