Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
