My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
