So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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