My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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