I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
