I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize