He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
