I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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