As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I am available for nakedness
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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