Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
