Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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