I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
