so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
operation harelip BJ is a go
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
