My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
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