none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dignity is for republicans.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
