You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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