Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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