remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
