She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
