I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
