stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
