If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
